Benny Smith's Car Boot Day Series 401 (not)


Benny, Ladybird collector,
Stayed in bed a while too long.
Wake up Benny! Grab your wallet
Get outside and join the throng.

Birds are singing, sun is shining
Trestle tables in the field
Crates of junk; who knows what treasures
Wait your touch to be revealed?

Hurry Benny! Hurry up!
You're rather late and moving slow.
Think of all those bargains waiting!
"Ten more minutes - then I'll go".

Ladybirds were Benny's passion
Ladybirds made Benny's day
(Books, that is, not creepy-crawlies)
Wills and Hepworth, I should say.

How he loved those Wills and Hepworths
Read each volume countless times,
Learned to read with Jane and Peter
Best of all, he loved the rhymes

Loved to read the rhyming stories
Tales of misadventure all
Tales of duckies, quackies, mousies,
Sought them out from stall to stall.

Let me introduce our hero
(Something I forgot to do)
Benny Smith, a Loss Adjuster,
Balding, kindly, thirty-two.

At the first sale - nothing doing.
What a load of sorry tat.
Laminated books? No NEVER!
He would never stoop to that!

Onwards! Upwards! At the next one
Benny roamed from stall to stall
Trash and treasure madly tangled
Crates of books, he searched them all.

THEN he saw it. Then he saw it!
Cardboard box upon the floor
Packed with titles, DJs, old ones,
Books he'd never SEEN before.

Benny, trembling, knelt to see them,
Knelt before his Holy Grail
When a voice cut through his dreaming:
"Sorry Mate, they're not for sale".

Not for sale? Not for SALE??
Said the man, "That's right, they're not.
Yeah, some geezer in a trilby
Came straight down and bought the lot.

Must've been ten minutes back
He bought the lot and paid in cash
(Funny thing these car boot sales -
People pay for ANY trash!)

Funny geezer, in a trilby
(In a trilby - what a prat!)
'Wouldn't take a cheque. I never
Trust a man who wears a hat".

Natter, natter, Mr Car Boot
Twittered on - but quite in vain.
Scarce a word heard Benny Smith
Still mercifully numbed from pain.

Stunned, bewildered, round he wandered.
"Wonk!" he muttered - then a groan.
"Tasseltip! - Impatient Horse!
Ten minues late! I should have known!"

"You OK, Duck?" yelled a lady
Quite concerned, "Are you OK?"
"Wonk" groaned Benny, blinking madly.
"Pippety's Unlucky Day!"

"Eh? You what?" Replied the lady
Thinking he was round the bend,
Rounding up her several children,
Fearing quite a grizzly end!

Quite oblivious, poor Benny
Stumbled blindly, stumbled on.
"Uncle Mac" he sighed at last.
"Oh 413 and 401!

ABC, The Zoo, The Party
All with DJ - what a miss!
Nurs'ry Rhymes, The House That Jack Built,
How will I get over this?"

But we know that time's a healer.
Could it heal in such a case?
One week later, see the bea-
Tific smile upon his face!

Benny strides across the field
His eyes are bright and cheeks aglow.
What's inside that bag clutched tightly?
Sadly, we shall never know.

Peter and Jane spoof